When I was a little girl, I had a big imagination.
This imagination let me make up all sorts of imaginary friends to play with. I could imagine that I was a knight, a hero, or an intrepid explorer. I was an alligator hiding in the river. I was an eagle soaring over a canyon. I could be anything, go anywhere, do anything… in my imagination.
But at night my imagination got a little out of control. I would see monsters in trees, hiding behind me in the mirror in the dark, crawling under my bed. Anywhere dark was a vast canvas for my imagination, and I could not control it.
Then I thought: it’s still my imagination. I can use it.
So I made up some more imaginary friends. I made up monsters and demons and strange people who hid in dark places and could not be killed. I made up all sorts of frightening characters, more frightening than anything I would find in the night, and I made them my friends.
After that I was not so afraid of the dark. There might still be monsters hiding in it, but I knew however scared I was of them, they were more afraid of the monsters on my side.
Now I am a big girl. I still have a big imagination, and I still use it every day. I have grown into it, I think. I don’t have control over it, exactly, but it has agreed to work with me. And when I go into dark and scary places, or I’m lost in a strange dream, I remember my imaginary friends who wait in the darkness, who live in the shadows of bare branches, who hide behind the mirror. I know whatever horror lies in front of me, there is another, greater horror standing at my back, and it will protect me.
So I am not afraid.
My imagination is my own worst enemy, but it is also my own best friend.
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Goldeen Ogawa has a very clear notion of what is real and what is imaginary, she just takes the imaginary things very seriously. You can email her at goldeenogawa@gmail.com or peck at her on Twitter @GrimbyTweets.
