Highlights from FC 2020

Got everything packed. Doggo got to come with since she could stay with brother at his house in San Jose and so leaving was easier than it sometimes is. On the other hand we got to experience the full spectrum of Winter Driving Conditions, from snow and ice on 97 to high gusting winds at Weed and finally some good old fashioned California rain as we navigated our way around Lake Shasta. Fittingly enough, the drivers got worse the better the conditions became, until we were driving down the South Bay on dry pavement and people were drifting across four lanes of traffic at 80 MPH without signaling. Made me want to see them try that trick on packed snow. From a safe distance, of course.

It made driving the five miles from my brother’s house to the convention center on Thursday, in the pouring rain, downright relaxing. Even though I had to set up table and art show by myself, I had enough time that I didn’t feel rushed, so that was nice. We tried to go to Mudai Ethiopian for dinner after, but they are apparently closed on Thursdays. Luckily, this being San Jose, we were able to throw a dart at Google maps and hit a world class Oaxacan restaurant, which somewhat made up for Ipoh Garden having closed since the last time I was at the McEnery Convention Center.

Friday was very quiet. It was a real struggle to drag myself away from my table to go perform my reading, but I’m glad I did: my aunt came in specially to listen and I got to chat with the AV guy about driving diesel rigs across the Midwest in -38º F. One time their truck broke down and they had to be rescued by a passerby.

“Everyone stops, when it’s that cold. Because otherwise you die.”

I’m glad people get better as conditions get worse, but I wish conditions didn’t have to get bad for people to be good.

I read “The Five Bodies of Tamerlain Pierce” which is about as baller as anything I have every written and I charmed all three members of my audience, so that was nice. When I got back to my table David had sold a couple prints, which was comforting.

David was a real champ the whole weekend. There’s not a lot of people I trust with my table for long periods of time, but thanks to his help I was able to make rounds of the den and visit friends at other tables—and buy stuff, of course. One of the benefits of having a day job that I can save money off to spend at times like these, without worrying about blowing my output/intake balance from the table.

Saturday picked up. A lot. FurCon feels a bit like Rose City that way, in that it is not a Destination Con like San Diego or AnthroCon, where people save up all year and take the week off. Rather, FC and RCCC take place in major metropolitan areas where the locals who want some weekend fun make up a significant portion of attendees.

What was most nice was how happy everyone was. When I dealt in 2018 I got a distinctly sour feeling from the attendees, but this year everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood. One guy who I started chatting with while his friends were visiting with the dealer next to me turned out to be another bicycle enthusiast, and when I told him how I decorated my bikes with fish stickers, he bought a pack. It was cute.

Ink commission for Jykintuah, who asked for a magpie in a hanbok (traditional Korean attire).

Commissions were relatively light. I only had two sketchbooks. They seem to be a fading trend, which saddens me. But I had a good time in the homework room with Kiki and Etuix and Talenshi, and I am very pleased with all the work I did over the weekend.

Sundays are usually made by my on-the-spot brush pen sketches, but this time I got caught by my second sketchbook of the con, which is probably the most profound sketchbook I’ve ever had the honor of contributing to.

I love themed sketchbooks. They are great fun, especially if the themes are whimsical or weird. But Steve’s book blew them all away.

His theme was simple: draw your interpretation of your creative process.

The book was about half full of some of the best art I’ve ever seen. Everyone had drawn something different, and everyone was right. Every page I looked at, I thought “yes, that’s exactly what it’s like!” Except each page was different.

My only regret was that I had to do it at my table, and could not put as much time and care into it as I would have liked. Then again, this meant I could not over bake the content, which is perhaps a good thing. Anyway, of everything I drew that weekend I am most proud of this.

“To break down the dim, ugly world, and build up, bring forth, wonder, kindness and light. To build a bridge for others to cross into a greater realm, and by sharing the dream make the world so.”

Also on Sunday was my Gentle Physical Wellness for Creators program, which got about six people which turned out to be the perfect amount. We did extremely gentle Pilates and some plank practice, and everyone left feeling better than when they arrived. It was all very gratifying and I hope to hold it at some other cons I do.

The trick will be getting all my dealer friends to put down there pencils and come do it.

The art show was a pleasant surprise. I have not had good luck with art shows in the past, but decided that, as panels were cheap and I was driving, to go all in with my remaining planet horse originals, plus embellished giclée prints of the rest, so that I could display the entire system. I also added some modest brush pens, for good measure. The result was very satisfying, and I had many people stop at my table after having seen my work in the show. Even better, four pieces sold, not including Sol, who had been sponsored beforehand. It was all very encouraging, and I’m having fun cooking up what I’ll do for my next show, which will probably be AnthroCon.

My first time filling a full bay. Many months of preparation went into it, and I think it paid off.

Of course the best part of these cons is getting to see old friends and making new ones. The highlight for me was definitely Talenshi, whose work I have admired for years and whom I got to share a couple meals and a dealer aisle with. Anyway, her work is wonderful and you should definitely go buy one of her sketchbooks. And then commission me to draw in it. We make a good team. I also go to sit (almost) back-to-back with Thornwolf, who is a massively skilled powerhouse and it felt good to be in her vicinity. I missed Balaa and Sairah, and also the chance to meet Maquenda, but hopefully we’ll have another chance soon.

Fond shouts to my dealer buddy, Moth Monarch, whose game gets stronger (and more iridescent) every time I see them, and Kikidoodle, who is a champion among artists. Also Etuix, Idess, Laura Garabedian, the Kaiju Twins, Naomi and Rio, and last but not least to Moo, for putting together one of the best run dealer rooms I’ve had the pleasure of participating in.

And thanks to everyone who came and bid in the art show, bought prints, or just stopped by to chat. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

The Moth Monarch and I, showing off our teeth.

It was a long drive back yesterday, but it gave me lots of time to think about the future, and where I want my business and products to go this year. I am waitlisted for Emerald City, but I have a standing invite from Kiki to work for her, selling Purrmaids, and multiple offers of places to stay. Also Volante Design will be there, so I will probably go. Who knows, I may be able to fill a last minute vacancy.

I am also filled with the desire to design and produce enamel pins, as I always am after seeing (and buying) my friends’ beautiful work. I have set a soft goal to have at least one pin made this year. Wish me luck.

My next confirmed convention will be Biggest Little FurCon in Reno, Nevada, May 1-3, at the Grand Sierra Resort (and Casino!). I will be splitting a table with Moth, so look for our Tower of Terror somewhere in the dealer room. I look forward to the relatively short seven hour drive, on dry, bare pavement, before things catch on fire.

On the home front, there is art to draw, stories to write, and pins to design. Updates on all of these will be posted to my Patreon, so if you haven’t already, go give me a follow! Pledges start at $1/month but I also make public posts there now and then. It would be great to have you along.

L’il Original brush pen, featuring the Curious Babe… who you will be seeing much, much more of in the future.

Ceres Horse [art post]

To close out the year, the decade, and my Planet Horse series, here is Ceres, Queen of the Asteroid Belt. Since I added Pluto (and Charon) last year I felt it would be fitting to pay homage to another important celestial object—and a very important goddess.

Like all my Planet Horses this piece was done with India ink, colored pencils and metallic pen. The original is 9″x12″ and will being debuting at the Further Confusion Art Show in a couple weeks.

Ceres the dwarf planet is the largest object in the asteroid belt and the only dwarf planet located in the inner solar system. Although Pluto is 14 times more massive, Ceres has something Pluto doesn’t: water. It was also visited in 2015 by the spacecraft Dawn who provided the photos I used for reference.

Ceres the goddess is Roman Demeter, goddess of agriculture, fertility, harvest, and in some cases, law and order and justice as well. Her cult claimed that she gave spelt to early people, ushering them into civilization.

To pay homage to both the planet and the goddess, the border for the piece is decorated by waves and spelt wheat. She also has a somewhat ghostly appearance. After all, Ceres as we know her today is a ghost of her former power and glory, at the height of which she overshadowed even mighty Jupiter. But Ceres the little dwarf planet is still important, and very much a part of our solar system.

I chose to represent her with a miniature horse, not just for her small stature, but also because miniature horses come with spotted coats, which can (with a little imagination) be made to look like her coat of craters.

You can see progress pics and read more of my thoughts will working on this piece over on my Patreon, which you can unlock for just $1/month.

Happy New Year!

Sol Horse [art post]

It may not seem like a picture of the Sun as a horse is a particularly seasonal thing to post at Christmastime, but if you consider that celebrations of lights and light-bringers have been observed around the winter solstice for as long as there have been solar gods and heroes to celebrate, then this is about as festive as it gets.

So happy holidays—here comes the sun! In this case, Sol Horse, the latest addition to my series of Planet Horses. He is brought to you by India ink and colored pencil, metallic pen and acrylic paint. The original measures 11″x14″ and has been spoken for, but will be making an appearance at the Further Confusion art show next month. I will also have prints of him for sale at my table in the Dealer’s Room.

Fun facts!

Sol, the Sun, center of our solar system, is a G-type main-sequence star, sometimes informally (and inaccurately) referred to as a yellow dwarf. Despite its modest size in comparison to giant stars such as Betelgeuse and Mintaka, Anilam and Alnitak, it still accounts for roughly 99.85% of the mass in the Solar System.

Sol, the horse, head of the Planet Horse series, is represented by a Clydesdale draft horse, with a lot of flare and corona. Although the sun is popularly gendered male these days, in Old Norse she was Sól or Sunna, a goddess whose daughter will personify the sun after the events of Ragnarök. And although I’ve been using male pronouns to refer to this Sol neither have I given him any sexually dimorphic traits, so the viewer may use whatever best pleases them. Of course the actual sun, being a swiftly spinning near-perfect sphere of nuclear fusion with no secondary stellar satellites, is the very embodiment of non-binary.

I have one more addition to the series planned, and Patrons will soon be getting WIP shots of her. You can join the party here starting at just $1/month.

grimby grats – december 2019

The E-Newsletter of Goldeen Ogawa • Issue 25, December 2019

Originally posted for Patrons on December 6 on Patreon

What have I done?

  • Cleanups for “Lightning Does Strike Twice” and “Moonrise Over Hades” (Driving Arcana Wheel 3)
  • Edits for Star Walker
  • Cover and interior illustrations for Lucena in the House of Madrin and embellished prints

What am I doing?

  • Cleanups on “The Hour I First Believed” (Driving Arcana, Wheel 3)
  • Edits for Star Walker
  • Cover and interior illustrations for Lucena in the House of Madgrin
  • Sol Horse

Where am I going?

I’m staying home for the Holidays, but next month I journey down to San Jose for Further Confusion, on January 16–20, 2020. With any luck the roads will be clear and I won’t have any winter driving stories to share afterward!

Changing Years

The season has changed, at last. It was a late fall, coming on in fits and spurts, with frequent relapses into summer, but now winter is coming and with interest. Snow tires are going on the car and the bicycle, vents are blocked, the irrigation winterized. I had my last highland ride of the mountain biking season on November 12, and possibly my last dirt ride on my home trails on the 19th, where I got rained on and my bike got so plastered with mud that when it dried, its rear hub had fused. Which is not as bad as it sounds. It means a trip to the bike shop, and with snow coming this week, the timing is about as good as it could be.

Still, I am not ready. Letting go of summer, and the warmth and sun and light it entails, also means letting go of my last months with my beloved cat, Chaos.

Chaos was diagnosed with untreatable cancer on Halloween, and within a week I had to euthanize him. He was ten years old, and his decline from happy and healthy to thin, sick, and shaky was even faster than the constricting daylight hours.

I take comfort in my dog, Frieda, and Chaos’s brother, Aether, who remains vibrant and alive and is doing his very best to make up for his brother’s absence, but what I notice the most now is how different he is. There was no cat quite like Chaos, and likely never will be again. Surely, there were and will be other good cats (Aether is a very good cat himself) but that unique conflagration that was Chaos has gone out, and will never burn again. 

As we move into the dark days of solstice time I feel his absence in unexpected places. Movement in the corner of my vision that is not his tail, shadows that are not him; the top perch of the cat tree, now empty. (It was his perch. Aether never goes there.)

But the winter solstice is not just about the darkness: it is also the rebirth of the sun. It is the beginning of the waxing year, and more things than the sun may be reborn.

When I launched my Patreon two years ago I envisioned this newsletter as more than a newsletter; I wanted it to be an enjoyable diversion which would also, hopefully, provide some insight into my life and history. So rather than a simple recap of the past month, I’ve endeavored to write little stories about my life. I called it Grimby’s Gratitude because it was my way of showing my gratitude to the people who have gone above and beyond in support of my craft. This will not change. But the stories will.

I am at heart a fiction writer. The best and truest stories I write are the ones that I make up. And in the making of them I feel more satisfaction than I ever do rehashing my lived experiences. I am mortal, and my experiences, though important to me, will eventually fade and fall away. Made up stories are a different matter. Made up stories are imbued with their own lives, and these lives, though not everlasting, are of a different sort than ours. They are not reliant on functioning organs, but contingent upon the reader reading them. A good story will outlast the teller, as long as there are readers to be had.

All of which is a long, maudlin way of saying that this will be the last Grimby’s Gratitude as it exists in this form. I will continue sending a letter of gratitude to my patrons at the beginning of each month, but instead of a story pretending to be a newsletter, it will be an honest little fiction pretending to be nothing but its own best self. It may not say ‘thank you for supporting me’ in so many words, but that is what it means.

I don’t know what they will be about—I haven’t written them yet—or if they will be from existing worlds, or new worlds, funny or sad or both. All I know is that I have a lot of untold stories in me, and an unknown amount of time in which to tell them.

And there is no time, as it is said, like the present.

So let’s get started.

Happy Holidays, and you will see my stories on the other side of the solstice, at the head of the waxing year. Good luck!

*

What’s coming in December?

Patrons can look forward to:

  • Saturday updates to the Sparks Gallery
  • Sunday updates to “Travels in Valdelluna” 
  • Progress pics of Sol and a new Planet Equine!

ProTip

Sometimes there is no neat little trick to make a hard thing easy. Sometimes a thing is just hard, and will always be hard, no matter how you do it. But realizing this and respecting the hardness of things can make it… well, it won’t make it not hard. But it can make it possible. And when you’re done you can celebrate having done the hard thing, even if it doesn’t look so hard after you’ve done it.

This post has been generously sponsored by my Fellow Traveler patrons. Come join the party!

Forever Chaos

watercolor on paper, 4″x6″

His coat was like a forest in autumn sun;

full of color, light, and life.

His coat was like a river

with shadows and currents to get lost in.

He snaked his way through sunbeams,

through my veins, to my heart.

And there he will reside

a cat-shaped hole

filled with all the love we shared.

And he shall be Forever Chaos,

my precious, handsome boy.

In memory of Chaos, 2009 – 2019

Chaos, my beautiful brown marbled tabby boy, died on the evening of November 4th 2019. He was 10 years old. I painted this on the morning after we began suspecting cancer might be the culprit behind his gradual weight loss and lack of appetite. At the time he was still very much Himself and was in fact cuddling with my dog on the mat in my studio as I painted. I thought I would have many more years to paint him, but I’m glad I got one done while he was still alive and (mostly) feeling well.

Chaos adopted my family as a kitten in May 2009, when he came crying to our front door asking for cuddles. Through him we discovered his littermates, Nyx and Aether. They had been abandoned by their mother in a shed behind our garage. We went from having zero cats to three rambunctious kittens in one day, much to my dad’s chagrin.

Chaos and his brother, Aether, both tested positive for FIV (Feline Immunodeficiency Virus), but as the concerned vet earnestly assured us, they could still live happy, healthy lives provided we stayed on top of their vaccines and nutrition. Apparently some people euthanize FIV+ kittens. We weren’t those kind of people.

Nyx, the only girl and the only one of the litter not FIV+, was hit by a truck one sunny March morning in 2012. The shock and violence of her death spurred us to take Chaos and Aether inside permanently, and even though Chaos would frequently ask to be let out, the sheer relief of not having to worry about finding him in the evenings, or the increasing traffic on our street, was worth it. Eventually he settled down and as a mature cat contented himself with sitting in windows and play-wrestling with my dog, Frieda.

Chaos and Aether (and Frieda) all came with me when I trucked up to Bend in the fall of 2016, and we spent most nights sleeping in a heap together on my bed. He liked the highest perch of the cat tree, and would ask for cuddles by trying to climb up my leg and crying. He had a way of settling himself in your arms by curling himself into your shoulder and purring loudly. It was wonderful.

Chaos was diagnosed with untreatable cancer after losing his appetite in the second half of October. He made it through the weekend I was away at I.X., and the next weekend, when I was home to feed him painkillers and as much chicken skin as he could eat (which sadly wasn’t very much), but after that he was just done.

I was able to arrange for an in-home euthanasia through a local vet, so he got a soft death, at home, in my arms, cuddled to the very end.

He is survived by his brother, Aether, and a rather drippy human.

GRIMBY GRATS – november 2019

The E-Newsletter of Goldeen Ogawa • Issue 24, November 2019

Originally posted for Patrons on November 1 on Patreon

What have I done?

  • Cleanups for “Sir Camilla” (The Camilliad, Book 4)
  • Edits for Star Walker
  • Cover and interior illustrations for Lucena in the House of Madrin and therapy watercolors

What am I doing?

  • Cleanups on Driving Arcana, Wheel 3)
  • Edits for “Star Walker”
  • Cover and interior illustrations for Lucena in the House of Madgrin
  • Therapy art

Where am I going?

I’m home for the holiday season, thank goodness! But I am hosting an open studio at my house the weekend after Thanksgiving, November 30 and December 1, so if you’re in the Bend area and would like to drop in send me a note and I can share more details.

Art vs. Writing

Last weekend I was in Reading, Pennsylvania for IlluxCon, a gathering of imaginative realism painters and illustrators which included a gallery of original art, tutorials, talks, and portfolio reviews. It also included, on Friday and Saturday nights, an Artist Showcase for those selling primarily prints and other small merch, which I was a part of. I met my Wonderful Mother in Philadelphia airport, from which we were whisked away to Reading through traffic that I was far too exhausted and jet lagged to be annoyed by.

IlluxCon, or IX as it is properly called, is closer to a gallery show than a convention, though it reminded me a lot of World Fantasy Con in that just about everyone there was a professional artist, or an art curator, or collector, or art director. It also had the lovely aspect of not distinguishing overmuch between the heavy-hitting established artists (Tom Kidd, Donato Giancola, Ruth Sanderson and my personal art-hero Tran Nguyen were all in the main show) and lowly showcase snitchers like myself. We were all artists doing art together in a very interesting, artsy space (the Goggleworks Center for the Arts is an ancient building with creaking floors, and the main show was very much focused on The Art and not Its Location), with a surprisingly good on-site diner. There were lots of sofas and extra chairs, and most of the people I saw were chatting and mingling and drawing in sketchbooks or on iPads. Many of the main show artists brought in-progress works to either display or work on during the show. It was a very open, friendly atmosphere, with most of the conversation centered around art and craft and troubleshooting the profession, and much less around Making Sales. Amazingly, originals sold. In the four figures. It was heartening to see.

The showcase was for me a mixed bag. I didn’t figure out that I could come out and stand beside my table to catch and talk to people until about 30 minutes before the showcase ended on Saturday night, but I did have a great time chatting with amazing artists and seeing some folks I hadn’t in a great while.

In this respect it was also like World Fantasy, which has never been a con I made money at, not even when I had my own table. Rather, the value of these cons is more difficult to quantify. I think back to how many friends I’ve made at World Fantasy, and how cons that are smaller, tighter, and don’t distinguish between the stars and the chorus line and the audience allow for a magical mixing between groups beneficial to all parties.

One thing, however, was marked: visual artists are fundamentally different from writers. It’s difficult to describe impartially. Both parties are thoughtful, creative, skilled, and interesting. But in my lived experience, visual artists are more outgoing. It may have something to do with the medium: a painting is Out There in a way that a novel is not. And yet, writing allows authors to potentially expose themselves more intimately. Perhaps this is why writers are generally more protective of themselves. I don’t know. I do both, so I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum. All I know is that I went to Donato Giancola’s live painting demo in which he chatted happily about how he lets his painting speak to him, how he’s crafting a story with his image, and lets it morph and grow as he applies layers of acrylic and oil. It resonated with me especially not because that is how I paint (although it is, sometimes) but because that is exactly how I write.

All of which makes me wonder if writers could get as much out of IlluxCon as other visual artists. I wonder what artists could get out of a writer con. Because while artists will often chat happily about the stories their paintings tell, writers tend to behold art and illustration as some magical, alien ability—when it patently is not. It is often, as Mr Giancola cheerfully put it, “pushing mud around on a canvas until you get it looking the way you want.”

From my perspective they are two branches of the same skill, and the practice of one will enhance the practice of the other. But one must throw aside obligation to perceived order and have fun in the mud, accepting that not everything is perfect, and one can always try again.

*

What’s coming in November?

Patrons can look forward to:

  • Saturday updates to the Sparks Gallery
  • Sunday updates to “Travels in Valdelluna” 
  • Progress pics of Lucena illustrations!

ProTip

A box of disposable nitrile gloves is a great thing to have in your kitchen or bathroom or garage (or all three!) Pull one on for any kind of biohazard cleanup, handling raw meat, or wear to keep band-aids on fingers intact—just be prepared to field a lot of awkward Michael Jackson–related question-jokes.

You can cook rice on the stovetop using a regular saucepan. You’ll want 1 part rice to 2 parts water. Bring water to a boil and then stir in the rice. Reduce heat and simmer for 40-45 minutes (brown and black rice) or 20-25 minutes (white rice). When in doubt use lower heat so you don’t burn the rice, and simmer for longer. You just get softer, creamier rice. Add seasonings or butter if you like.

This post has been generously sponsored by my Fellow Traveler patrons. Come join the party!

Grimby Grats – October 2019

The E-Newsletter of Goldeen Ogawa • Issue 23, October 2019

Originally posted for Patrons on October 4 on Patreon

What have I done?

What am I doing?

  • Cleanups on “Sir Camilla” (The Camilliad, Book 4)
  • Edits for “Star Walker”
  • Cover and interior illustrations for Lucena in the House of Madgrin
  • Brush pen studies

Where am I going?

Later this month I’ll be traveling to Reading, PA for IlluxCon where I’ll be in the Artist Showcase on Friday and Saturday nights. I’ll have prints and cards, books—including Felpz III and Arcana Wheel 2—charms, stickers, and a few originals!

Something About Exercise

There’s a sentiment I’ve heard expressed that so-and-so exercised a lot but still got cancer and so what is the point? Or so-and-so exercised a lot but injured themselves in the course of their exercise, so what’s the point?

These sentiments make me sad, because they’re a sign of the misconception that regular exercise is a promise to prevent and cure all that does and can ail you. 

Which it doesn’t and won’t.

Statistically, getting regular cardiovascular exercise does help prevent or moderate certain conditions, like heart disease and type II diabetes, but it’s not a panacea. It’s certainly not a contract between you and the Fates that they will not give you ALS when you’re 43.

Yet whenever I hear people talking dismissively of exercising as “not being worth it” because their mother/cousin/neighbor who raced triathlons was diagnosed with breast cancer, it makes me sad, because even if being in top physical form won’t prevent your body from getting very confused and attacking itself, it probably made those years you weren’t sick much more enjoyable. And to me that is where the true value of exercise lies: not in some misty promise of hale old-age, but in the very real and tangible benefits that come with being very healthy, very strong, right now. It’s the accumulated years of not having low back pain, of not becoming short of breath walking to the mailbox, of not being reliant on cars to get me around town. And the positives: being able to go on long bike rides that drastically improve my mental health and help me process stressful situations and difficult problems. Being able to do a physically demanding job with relative ease and comfort. Being able to lift heavy objects. Being mobile and limber and able to fully enjoy the life I have.

I’m old enough now (32) that I have heard people my age bewail their dilapidated bodies. And these aren’t construction workers. These are fellow creatives: artists and writers whose jobs are largely sedentary. And it’s not their fault: so many factors force creatives to work overtime just to make ends meet—forget having the time to invest in their physical condition. And then there’s the whole moralizing aspect of health and wellness. Which is garbage, because being healthy is not a moral issue. Being honest is, and for the most part these people are perfectly frank about their situations. They know sitting hunched in front of a computer for fourteen hours a day is bad for their back/shoulders/hips/well-really-everything, but they don’t have the time or resources or motivation to put in the work needed to counteract that. Or they don’t think they do, because of this systemic myth that tells them because they haven’t they are inferior and don’t deserve to be healthy.

Why bother, says this evil fantasy, you could get injured worse cycling. You could be hit by a car. You could crash and break your neck.

In point of fact: broken collar bones are far more common among cyclists. They are 100% temporary, usually heal with no intervention, and when necessary and western medicine is very good at fixing them. Unlike, say, Alzheimer’s. But people sit in chairs all day and develop chronic orthopedic injuries and are told to think “this is just the same as tearing my ACL skiing.”

It’s not. Unless you’re training for Olympic level competition (at which point health is no longer the priority), the orthopedic injuries you get from physical activity are acute ones. They are painful, yes. They will set you back, yes. But they heal. You learn that you can heal and come back stronger.

But exercise is sold as a miracle cure like any other snake oil, and when the obvious fallacy of this is revealed people assume it’s complete hen’s teeth. But it’s not. It’s complicated and variable and difficult and rewarding and—yes—fun, once you find the form that sings to you. But people are given boring exercises to do in uncomfortable situations and then told that they are inferior humans for having the instinctive urge to eat high-value foods like pizza and ice cream.

And I hate that. I hate that anyone should be shamed for their physical condition. I hate that so much of the time the people perpetuating this shame are the ones who have internalized it the most, who live in constant fear of becoming the one who is shamed.

(This is an uncomfortable aspect of fat-shaming: for the shamer, it comes from a deep-seated hatred and fear of themselves and their own perceived flaws.)

I wish I could wipe the whole mess aside. I wish I could reset the miasma of fear and projected self-loathing, frustration and self-sabotage. If I could, I would say:

Be kind to yourself. Take a breath. There are no promises in life. Only the now. But hopefully there will also be a later. So do what feels good now, and also what you will be glad you did later. Do what you can, even if it’s less than what you’d like. Your progression will look different from someone else’s. Your ultimate capability probably won’t be what someone else’s is, either. But it might not be what you think it will be. It might be more.

So try. You might not run a marathon when you’re 90, but you might be fast enough to outrun the monsters that are chasing you now.

Try, so you may be strong enough to destroy the ones that catch you.

*

What’s coming in October?

Patrons can look forward to:

  • Saturday updates to the Sparks Gallery
  • Sunday updates to “Travels in Valdelluna”
  • Progress pics of Lucena illustrations!

ProTip

You can cook rice on the stovetop using a regular saucepan. You’ll want 1 part rice to 2 parts water. Bring water to a boil and then stir in the rice. Reduce heat and simmer for 40-45 minutes (brown and black rice) or 20-25 minutes (white rice). When in doubt use lower heat so you don’t burn the rice, and simmer for longer. You just get softer, creamier rice. Add seasonings or butter if you like.

This post has been generously sponsored by my Fellow Traveler patrons. Come join the party!

Driving Arcana wheel 2 cover [art post]

Final cover art for PAVING THE ROAD TO HELL, Driving Arcana Wheel 2 — click image for full view!

Now that it’s out in the wild, I’m excited to share the final artwork I made for the cover of Paving the Road to Hell, (Driving Arcana Wheel 2). This one was a long time in the works thanks to its size (18″x24″) and detail (click the image!) and the process used to create it took several steps.

The first stage was the biggest, and involved drawing up the whole thing on a giant piece of paper with a bunch of pencils. I used graphite pencils of varying softness, ranging from 2B (for lines and fine detail) to 9B (heavy darks) and a lot of smudging and lifting. The end result of that is an original currently hanging on my wall, and it looks like this:

To get to this stage alone took several months of work, as I had other projects going on at the same time. I then scanned it in in sections, since the paper is larger than even my sizable flat bed scanner, and stitched those sections together in Photoshop. I also did a little level adjusting, to account for glare from the paper which had warped under heavy application of graphite.

The next step was to begin adding colors, which I did using a bastardized version of the “sandwich” technique I saw John Picacio demo at World Fantasy waaaaaaaay back in 2009. As I recall John had this really great method for using color based off of actual oil paintings he made and other things but my process is more of a “mess around in layers and masks and modes until I get what I want.” Which in this case was two things: 1) I wanted the final image at the top of this post for use as the Wheel 2 wrap-around cover, and 2) I wanted an alternate version that I would then chop up and use for the individual Rotation eBook covers. Which version looks like this:

When I went to slap the title on the artwork for the wrap-around cover, however, I discovered that the detailed, high-contrast artwork didn’t support the information-heavy text, and so I created yet another version of the colors, which intentionally “flattened” the image, allowing the text to pop out in such a way that readers could, you know, actually read it. This version on its own isn’t what I intended, but rather what I needed in order to get the cover to work. Here it is in full without text:

And here is the front cover, with text, for comparison:

All told it felt like making this cover took almost as long as writing the stories for the book inside… even though I know that’s not true. But it was a great learning experience, and one which will definitely inform my approach to future covers—especially the one for Wheel 3, which will be done in the same style. Hopefully the things I learned here will help me do Wheel 3’s cover in less time, and therefore cut down on the time readers have to wait for those stories.

I hope you’ve enjoyed following along this snippet of my publishing process. You can find more about the book, including where to buy under various formats, at Heliopause Productions, and you can read more about the Driving Arcana saga right here.

Finally, have some detail shots!

For more art and stories, and exclusive progress pictures, consider joining my Patreon! It pay-what-you-want starting at $1/mo and you get a free introductory eBook!

Grimby Grats – September 2019

The E-Newsletter of Goldeen Ogawa • Issue 22, September 2019

Originally posted for Patrons on September 6 on Patreon

What have I done?

  • Cleanups for “Sir Camilla” (The Camilliad, Book 4)
  • Released eBook of Driving Arcana Rotation Six
  • Interior illustrations for The Aubergine Spellbook (Felpz Volume III)
  • Dagrhi brush pen

What am I doing?

  • Cleanups on “Sir Camilla” (The Camilliad, Book 4)
  • Edits for “Star Walker”
  • Book design for Driving Arcana Wheel 2
  • Book design for Lucena in the House of Madgrin
  • BOOK ILLUSTRATIONS

Where am I going?

I’ll be at Rose City Comic Con in Portland OR, September 13–15 at Table R09 in the Artist Alley. I’ll have books and prints and merch and maybe (maybe) some commission openings.

Changing the Narrative

There is a video floating around the internet, which I can’t be bothered to find at the moment, that shows a small girl playing basketball with an extremely tall young man. She pulls a fast one on him and while he’s landing on his butt she makes a basket. He then rolls around on the ground clutching his ankle while his friends jeer and tease him, and the girl stands there, mute, obviously wondering if she’s going to get in trouble.

Which she might have. It’s possible, considering the toxic narrative our society enacts when a girl gets the better of a man in anything that is not heavily feminine-coded—in which instance it’s almost a point of pride that the man is bad at, say, folding the laundry. Namely: that for a man to be bested by a girl is emasculating. Shameful. He is now subject to ridicule. He is made less of a man.

All of which is complete nonsense. Not knowing how to clean and take care of your own clothes is nothing to be proud of. And losing a contest to a girl is only shameful if one has already made the mistake of devaluing the girl in the first place.

Let’s get back to the gentleman in the video. At the beginning he’s strutting, boasting, obviously disdainful of the little girl in pigtails holding a ball bigger than her head. So when she gets the better of him there is some poetic justice. But then his friends turn on him. And the comments on the video are in the same vein. They talk about how badly he got beaten. How he’s stupid. Or arrogant. Their actions justify the fear many men have of getting beaten by women and then being ridiculed for it. After all, it’s no fun to get beaten. Being teased about it is just salt in the wound. Or highly absorbent dressing being jammed into a gushing injury and then held there for ten minutes. Except that that might actually save someone’s life, and teasing a guy who got beaten by a girl doesn’t help anyone.

Let’s get back to the girl. Her opponent is bigger, heavier, taller and older than her. What does she do? She moves. She moves fast. She moves in ways you can’t move when you’re six and a half feet tall. She has clearly practiced a lot and she has practiced playing against people who are taller than her. She has practiced playing against people who underestimate her.

From this perspective, is it any surprise that she scores on the guy? From this perspective, it’s he, high on arrogance and societal expectations be be stronger and better at sport, who’s at the disadvantage.

From this perspective, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. He got beaten because his opponent was faster, more skilled, and specifically more skilled at beating people like him.

And yet he’s teased mercilessly by his peers. As he lies there, holding his ankle, one of them comes over and whacks it with his hands. “Ha ha, you got beat by a girl and now you’re rolling around in pain because you can’t handle a twisted ankle!”

It’s kinda funny. But only because we exist in a narrative structure that posits males as being universally physically superior to females, when in truth they are not. The problems are multiple and compound each other, but it starts with this fallacy, which we are presented as truth from our first days:

A man must be stronger than a woman, else he is less of a man.

So while it can be tempting to snigger when we see an arrogant man laid low by a cute girl in pigtails, it’s worth remembering that the reason it’s funny to us is because he has been brainwashed into presuming that he is inherently physically superior because of his gender. Which isn’t funny at all, once you think about it.

It’s good to point at the chauvinists saying that girls can’t play American Football or swim the mile or run a marathon and say “those people are wrong.” But it’s also important to look at the people who take the woman’s side, but also laugh at the men who are honorably defeated, and say “if you truly respect the woman, you will also respect her male opponents—especially the ones she beats.”

*

What’s coming in September?

Patrons can look forward to:

  • Saturday updates to the Sparks Gallery
  • Sunday updates to “Travels in Valdelluna”
  • The eBook of Bouragner Felpz Volume III and potentially Driving Arcana Wheel 2 as well!

ProTip

Beware of “rights grabs” in the TOS of social media and streaming sites, like Twitch, Instagram—even (especially) Twitter and Facebook. Oh, and Patreon, too. You’ll want to look under the “rights and licenses” area of the TOS. Specifically look out for words like “worldwide” and “sub-licensable” and “for any media now existing and any media yet to be invented.” Act accordingly.

This post has been generously sponsored by my Fellow Traveler patrons. Come join the party!

Introducing Dagrhi [art post]

Dagrhi, brush pen on Bristol board, 12″x6″, © 2019

I just learned that today is International Dog Day, and as it happens I have just the piece for it! Everyone, this is Daghri the Lake Wolf, Moon-Eyed Dog, She Who Devours and Eater of Evil.

Properly she’s another kimaerha, like Astrhopi and Rhondi, and with them creates a quasi Creator-Preserver-Destroyer triad. My thinking went that Rhondi, as my personal mascot, represents my own creative endeavors, art, writing, and stories. Astrhopi, as the mascot of my publishing company, represents the preservation of those creative works. I only needed a destroyer aspect to complete the triad, like the ancient creator-preserver-destroyer triple goddesses. However, unlike those trios where the destroyer aspect comes last as the crone or death goddess, Daghri is actually the first in my cycle, and specifically destroys spoiled, rotting, and poisonous matter by devouring it, giving Rhondi a clean slate form which to create wonders.

Essentially she eats badness and burps stars.

As the Lake Wolf she is the shadow of Rhondi the Volcano Lion-Chimera in many ways: here a canine body with lion ears, ram’s tail and snakes growing in place of horns. Her coat markings were derived from a clouded leopard and her eyes are both highly reflective and have white sclera, so she can show you both crescents and full glowing discs depending on the angle—hence the appellation Moon-Eyed Dog.

This is the first sketch of her I did. As you can see it took me a couple tries to get her name right. Compared to Astrhopi, however, this was a quick and easy process.
Trying out different poses and expressions. I’ve always liked taking superficially scary or evil-looking creatures and turning their inclinations to the greater good.
Moon-Eyed Dog is actually something I came up with to describe my own dog, Frieda, who gives things she doesn’t like the White Crescent Glare. So there’s a bit of nervous, gentle Frieda in my Devourer of Evil.
Although not reflected in her design, I think Dagrhi has a vulture’s capacity to digest putrefying flesh and bones. At least metaphorically.
Dagrhi with New Moon eyes, inspired by a service dog I met at AnthroCon.
Drawing her is very therapeutic.
Dog with Crescent Eyes.
Everything must have a soft, fluffy, cute aspect. Even destroyers.
The Dagrhopi Triad, as I imagine them. (Astrhopi not shown to scale.)

While I created Daghri as a personal character, I am sure she is capable of eating the evil out of other people’s lives, and would be happy to do so. Especially if you have treats.